I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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