i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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