census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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