i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
