We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
