you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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