I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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