Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
