Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
