I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize