I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
