I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What a dumb baby whore.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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