I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
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