I'm jealous of your bromance
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
