I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
