you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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