Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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