this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
