I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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