so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
