Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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