Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize