Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
