Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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