WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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