ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
