If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i think my cat just said my name.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
