woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
