Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
whose ass print is on the piano?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
