ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize