At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
