So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
