no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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