final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
