the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize