the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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