I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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