The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
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