just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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