Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
