just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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