I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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