I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
