I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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