Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
