I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
