I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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