he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
