I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
