Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
