I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
