Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
