i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
