Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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