3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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