So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Found the puke drawer
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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