Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
