Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(626): View more from California

I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"

(1-608): View more from Wisconsin

I like taco bell too

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(402): View more from Nebraska

So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?

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(248): View more from Michigan

Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?

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(302): View more from Delaware

You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics

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(417): View more from Missouri

You insisted on take shots off of plates.

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(407): View more from Florida

Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.

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