My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
