lets start a swedish sibling band together
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
