so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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