Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
