thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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