It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
