I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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