Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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